Im amazed at how quickly I am progressing in German. Granted, I am still horrible at it, ad I have so much work to do to be where I think I should be, but when I compare my learning thus far with the learning I was required to do at UALR for Spanish, there is no comparison. Except to say that my language skills are far beyond where my language skills were for Spanish, and I had that class every day for two hours! I just got done typing this story. It is about the birthday party I had. Yes, some of the facts have been made up, like I did not go home for my birthday, and I did not have a sleepover, but hey, I needed to fill up at east 250 words! My birthday wasnt that exciting. It looks much more impressive double spaced. :-)

            Ich will über am zwanzigste Mai 2008 schreiben. Das ist mein Geburtstag Party Tag. Ich habe am dritte Juni Geburtstag aber ich bin zu North Carolina zu sehen mein Vatte gefahren. Ich habe mein Arbeit am Sommercamp auch angefangt. So, jeder haben das Tag gefeiert. Diesen Tag ist in der Sommer so Ich habe spät aufgewacht. Ich bin am 2 uhr meine mutter Hause gegangen weil sie hat mir Mittentagessen gekochen. Es war viel spaß. Ich habe funf Brüder und ein Schwester. Wir haben Amerikansicher Fußball gespielen und hat Brettspeil gespielen. Unser lieblingsbrettspeil ist Trivial Pursuit oder Cranuim. Nach Mittentagessen meine Familie haben meine Geshenke gegeben. Meine Geschwister haben mir ein paar Buchen  gegeben und meine Mutter hat geld gegeben. Sie hat German Chocolate cake auch gebaken weil es ist meine lieblings(cake). Danach, ich habe tschüß  gesagt und fahre nach mein Wohnung.

            Diesen nacht, ich habe ein Party gehaben. Ich bin 20 gepassen. Erst ich bin mit meinen Freund ins Restaurant ausgegangen. Wir sind zu Mikes Place gegessen. Danach wir sind zu unser Wohnung gefahren. Ich habe meine freunden ein Party eingeladen. Erst ich habe mein Wohnung angeräumen. Am 8 uhr meine freundin hat (arriving) angefant. Ich habe ein Geshenk angenehmen. Ich habe ein Hookah genehmen. Nachher wir haben den Hookah gerauchen! Es war die besten Geshenk. Wir haben diesen nacht viel Alkohol getronken und haben ein (sleepover) gehaben. Wir haben spät gesprochen weil niemand könnte nicht geschlaft. Wir haben Politik, Religion, Uni, unser Sommer pflanen, und so weiter diskutieren.Wir haben am funf uhr einandere geschlaft.

            Das war mein Geburstag gefeiert Tag! Ich habe sehr viel spaß gehaben. Aber, ich bin entgegensehend meine einundzwanzigste Geburtstag viel weil Ich im Deutschland mit meine Deutscher Freunden werde. 

I wanted to post some school work I have been working on in lieu of other stuff. I got a C on this paper, which kinda pissed me off, but I still really like it. 

Karma and Buddhist Hell Realms

 

            The Buddhist idea of death and rebirth on the wheel of Samsara is an idea that is foreign to most Western thinkers. It differs greatly from the Judeo-Christian ideas that most of us are familiar with. Whereas most of us are familiar with a system of life, death, and then an eternal afterlife of punishment or reward, the Buddhist tradition teaches of a beginning less and seemingly endless cycle of death and rebirth in a number of realms. The realm that one is born into is determined by your karma. One class of these realms is the Hell realms, where, depending on one’s thoughts and actions that accumulate karma, different punishments are incurred. While in western thought, Hell is seen as an eternal punishment because of a person’s actions, in the Buddhist tradition, one could argue that it is simply a stepping stone, a learning experience that is needed for personal growth and fulfillment, and no matter how deep and painful the suffering, one can apply the philosophy that this too shall pass.

            Western thoughts of Hell are usually motivated by Judeo-Christian teachings. This teaching portrays hell as an eternal damnation with no hope of exit. The purpose of hell is to punish a soul based on the actions of their lives. Hell is not a learning experience where one can hope to better themselves in move on, but a final state of being that one deserves because of their physical and mental offenses on the Earth.

            Before discussion of these different hell realms in the Buddhist tradition, it is first important to understand the system of Karma. When one hears the word Karma, one thinks of a system of actions and reactions. If people do something good, they expect to receive something good to return to them, and on the flip side, if people do something bad, they expect something bad to happen to them. While this oversimplified definition is mostly correct, the actuality of karma is actually deeper. In Buddhist philosophy, Karma is what turns the wheel of Samara, or rebirth. Everything exists because of the existence of karma (Lopez 19). Also, there are two principal types of karma: mental acts, and physical acts. “Mental acts—actions that are not necessarily manifested through physical action—and there are physical acts, which include both bodily and verbal acts” (Mehrotra 86). So people accumulate karma not only by their physical interactions with each other and the world, but also through their thoughts, and words. By these actions and thoughts, people accumulate both negative and positive karma that will in turn affect which realm they are reborn in to, and, in the case of the hell realms, the severity of that realm.

            Buddhist scriptures describe a system of eight hot hells, eight cold hells, and four secondary hells (Lopez Jr. 1). Each of these hells exists for a very specific group of people. The greater hells are so named because of their severity. They are referred to as Sanjiva, Lalasutta, Sanghata, Roruva, Maharoruva, Tapa, Mahatapa, and Avici (Lopez Jr.1). Some of the offenses that would cause rebirth in these realms are killing living beings (animals), starting forest fires, and taking the property of gods, and Brahmans. The secondary hells are referred to as Milhaupa, Kukkula, Asipattavana and the Nadi. These regions are reserved for those who fight wars, kill water creatures, kill lice, and enjoy the sadness of others (Lopez Jr. 9). The realms and their punishments, and the reasons people are sent there are clearly spelled out in Buddhist scriptures.

            The Dalai Lama says, “If you keep in mind how quickly this life disappears, you will value your time and do what is valuable” (Mehrotra 127). While the Dalai Lama was speaking about this human realm, the lesson can be applied even to a life lived in a hell realm. The cycle of death and rebirth is a series of experiences. These experiences help people to build up karma and give them a chance to be reborn in a better realm of existence. Unlike the western, Judeo-Christian notion of hell, an eternal place of suffering with no hope of redemption, the Buddhist philosophy on hell is one of greater hope. While one purpose of the hell realms is to be a place of punishment for people, it is first and foremost a place to have an experience and hopefully take the lessons learned to live a better life in one’s next life.

            There is a story of one of the Buddha’s previous lives in the hell realms. Without even hearing the story, the fact that even a Buddha has to go through a lifetime in a hell realm is oddly reassuring. It shows that even those who are destined for holiness must endure some suffering to get to that stage of enlightenment.  The story tells of the Buddha’s previous life in a hell realm where his punishment is to push a giant stone up a hill with a demon lashing him constantly. He is sharing this punishment with another soul. The Buddha, probably since he is destined to become the Buddha, feels compassion for his fellow sufferer and suggests that the two take turns pushing the boulder up the hill so they can each have a period of rest. In that moment, the Buddha is reborn out of the hell realm. This story demonstrates both the finite nature of the hell realm and also a person’s ability to learn his or her lesson and move on to a new stage of rebirth.

            Hell realms also should not be seen as a place of certainty for bad people in this life. Yes, if a person commits heinous acts in this life, it is probably a certainty that they will be reborn in their next life into a hell realm. However, karma is not always such a black and white, cause and effect story. In The Essential Dali Lama, a question is asked of the Dali Lama: “Could Your Holiness please explain why the result of Karma is sometimes instant and why on other occasions we have to wait lifetimes before the casual effect occurs?” (Mohrta 91). The Dali Lama answers that the severity and familiarity of the karma affects when that karma will be manifested through rebirth. Therefore, if someone is in the hell realm, it may not necessarily be because in their previous life they were a bad person but because karma from their previous lives has manifested itself at this present moment to cause them to be reborn into the hell realms to learn a lesson, and negate previous negative karma.

            It can be inferred through Buddhist teachings that the hell realms are not a bad thing in a strict sense of the word. Yes, it is a place of punishment due to negative Karma, but the main purpose of being born into one of these realms is not for a person to receive whatever punishment some higher being feels is appropriate for that person. However, it should be seen as an effect of negative karma on that person’s being, and the experience of being reborn into a hell realm is simply a finite experience. Hell is one’s chance to turn ones karma around, and learn so that you can be reborn into a higher realm, and be a better person. Furthermore, it is one step closer to enlightenment and one step closer to being released from the bonds of Samsara.

 Works Cited

Lopez, Donald Jr. The Story of Buddhism. New York: HarperColins Publishers, 2001

---. Buddhist Scriptures. New York: Penguin Books, 2004

Mehrotra, Rajiv. The Essential Dalai Lama. New York: Penguin Books, 2005

My Story in Catholicism

So, John Arnold has brought forth the question of my sort of religious background, and what Catholicism means to me, and what I find important about it, etc. I have already written a post about my religious trek to where I have ended up religiously, so I will just put a little bit of a nutshelled version on this post, then move on to the second part. 

So, I was baptized Catholic after I was born, like every other child born to a Catholic family. However, soon after that, my parents left the Church, and didnt really find a new church home. So, the only experience I had with organized religion during that time was with my dad at his Baptist church, and I became the stereotypical baptist teenager that you see on TV and such. Then, when I was in High School, for some reason, I felt myself drawn back to the Catholic faith. The only explanation I have for it is that the Holy Spirit spoke to me through my baptism to remind me of where I came from, and to show me the path to the faith I wanted to have. I havent looked back since then. 

It was really one of the best decisions of my life. After I started doing some reading on my own, and looking into what the Catholic Church teaches, I found out that it wasnt the evil thing that I was originally taught. Things like devotion to Mary and the saints, confession, Immaculate birth, Priests, etc, were actually closer to what I felt made sense to me. When I went back to Mass for the first time, I felt absolutely amazing. I hadnt felt closer to Jesus than I did that service. I love the ritual aspect of the Church, and the reverence that it offers. In that way, I guess I would describe myself as a somewhat "old school" Catholic. I dont enjoy Masses that have more contemporary music, dont follow the GIRM in the correct way, etc. 

My personal faith is something that had similarities between what most Catholics practice, and what most dont do anymore. For example, I find myself kneeling a lot more than most Catholics. During communion, after the consecration, most people stand or sit to wait their turn to receive, but I stay keeled the entire time. Also, when I receive communion, I receive on the tongue. I dont feel like my sinning hands are worthy of touching the physical body of Christ, so I dont receive on the hand. I also dont care for the excessive use of Extraordinary Ministers of Communion. The priest has the consecrated hands, we dont. Plus, in most churches, it is not necessary, just a convenience for Catholics to speed up the Mass, which they should be happy to be attending. 

I also have a pretty strong devotion to the Blessed Mother and 2 saints, St. Michael the Archangel, my patron saint, and St. Benedict, the patron saint of religious orders. I am enrolled in the Confraternity of the Rosary, which requires me to recite each set of mysteries once a week. I enjoy these devotions because it brings me closer to the mother of Christ. Why would I NOT want to have a close relationship with the mother of our savior? I also cant think of a better way to have a close relationship with Jesus than also having a relationship with the holy person who gave birth to Him...dont think anyone can know him better than that. 

While I follow the Catholic teaching that all religions hold some sort of truth, and all Christians are brothers and sisters through a common baptism, however, the Catholic Church, instituted by Christ, and following the lead of the Holy Spirit through the Magesterium offers the fullness of faith, and is the one true truth. Its where I feel home, its where I feel Christ, and I love my place in this Christian world. 

A full discourse into the beliefs of the Catholic Church would take a HUGE amount of time. If you are interested in that, the Phatcatholic blog on my links list will offer you a searchable writing from a student of Catechesis from Stubenville Catholic college in Ohio. I hope that I answered what I was asked. :-)

Im working on getting a new layout for this blog. Now is the time that I really wish I had learned something about HTML and other tech savy, online editing things. Stay tuned for that. 

I am up, it is almost 3AM, and I really should be asleep, but I decided to pop in and let people know that I am still alive and doing well. With school back in session I have very little time to think about anything that is not covered in one of my classes, or type something that is not, again, directly related to one of my classes. However, I am loving every single minute of it, and though the lack of sleep really sucks, being back in school and learning again is super awesome. 

Im really trying to think of topics to talk about in this thing. Of course, politics is a big winner on almost any blog nowadays. Sometime this week I think that I will post something about my own political thoughts, and talk about who I am voting for perhaps. Other than that, I have trouble (unless I steal ideas from other blogs, which I am not above at all) :-). I find that it works better if I have people ask me stuff. My ideas on things, something that I may be able to teach them (usually about a subject matter I am studying of course...at 20 years I havent amounted much wisdom, especially in comparison to some of the people who read this blog), or something about my family or my history. If you have a burning question, or want my opinion on something, let me know! It offers me a reason to blog and gives me something to do when I go through procrastination times. 

Keep that in mind. I am going to write a paper (short response really) on why HIV/AIDS spreads through African nations faster than anywhere else on the planet. Hey perhaps I can share those things with you...hmm...

Rambling thoughts from a movie

I have been having some trouble sleeping. Not sure why. I get occasional bouts of insomnia, usually brought on from a lack of daily activity. Since camp has been over, I have honestly done very little with my time except wait for school to start again, and slowly gain back every pound of weight that I lost this summer. Luckily, school starts back next week, and with that brings trips to the Wellness and Athletic Center (WAC for short. I mean come on...I WAC it 4 times a week? Thats pretty hillarious...or is it silly college humor. Eh, I digress) Anyway, in this bout of insomnia, I came across a movie that has been around for a few years (2006). Running With Scissors. Now, I do not know who has seen this movie, because I find that it was a bit "indie" for some folks, even though it was a theatrical release (as far as I remember). Now, it was based on the memoirs of a man named Augustine. It tells about his crazy experiences growing up with a broken family, his own inner issues, and his relationship with an unstable man 20 years his senior. Definitely an AMAZING movie (In my opinion, but since this is my blog, its the one that counts) and I highly encourage everyone to watch it. 

Anyway, Usually a movie makes it to my "top movie" list because it provokes thinking on my part. There is a part in the movie that talks about choosing your parents. Through the movie we see how the characters were influenced by their real parents, and what happened when they were able to "choose" their own parents, which turns out to be the psychiatrist and his fucked up family (minus one...well two if you count the well intentioned, albeit slightly nutty mother). So it got me to thinking, what would happen if we could choose the families that we have. Growing up, my friends and I would always say "Man, your dad is so cool", or "Wow, your mom plays nintendo with you! I wish she were my mom!!" We were always unsatisfied with the way our parents were raising us, and thought that our lives would be better as long as we could get into a new family. I've thought about the life that I experienced with my own family. Really, I got to have two families thanks to the divorce of my parents. I could chronolog my life in detail, but that would take up too much room, and a lot of that stuff is pretty emotionally raw, so there is no reason to do so. Suffice it to say that my own childhood was full of emotional and physical turmoil, strife, laughter, excitement, moving, all other kinds of words that I cant possibly think up at 3 AM. However, when I compare my childhood to those of my friends, I realize a few things. Either, A), my friends and I had the same type of childhood, so really, it wouldnt have been any better (rare), or B) My friends had an AMAZING childhood full of very few dark times, and they still have those kinds of things today. But, I dont think that I would want to trade them out. Yeah, it would be nice to have parents that were still married, not have any "dark moments", and all that stuff, but in the end, I can say that I am as happy with myself as I could be. There are all kinds of imperfections, but overall, I turned into an intelligent, compassionate man who wants to change the world (even if I am pretty naive about the world). I would not change the person that I am overall. There are some traits I could do without (that I no doubt got from the nature and nurture I recieved) but overall, its good. 

I dont really know where I was going with the overall ramble above, but to say this (which, most of you have already heard), You are born into your family, and you cant change it. Sure, you can faux join another family, and it can be similar, but in the end, you are who you are because of the experiences that you had. Dysfunction and all. And for the most part, we all turned out pretty well. 

New Tat

Between all of my olympics watching and getting ready for school stuff, I have managed to find time to get another tat. Here are two pictures, one shortly after its completion, and one from today. 

What You Learn 

I hope that everyone else out in the world had amazing summers. I know I did. I spent the last 10.5 weeks working at summer camp, and it was probably the best decision I ever made. It was stressful, at times it was hard, and at times I wanted to douse the entire camp in gasoline and burn the campus to the ground while I smoked a cigarette and laughed. (Perhaps I should have lit the fire with a cig?) However, now that it is  all over, I can say that God put me there for a reason, and I learned a lot. 

First off, and probably most important, I learned that for the most part, people dont care about the things that make you insecure. At the begining of the summer, I was a bit heavier than I am now (Yes folks, I have gone down a pants size, and my torso region is smaller) and had raging psoriasis on my arms and legs.  Previous to summer camp I always wore jeans and long sleeved shirts to hide the flaring red spots and long, menacing stretch marks that always made me feel like an untouchable. However, when you spend only around 9-11 hours indoors (and that includes sleep) a day, you learn that shorts and a t-shirt are a must. However, with all that skin problems, and big belly and man boobs, and profuse sweating, I still managed to find people that loved me, talked to me, and didnt mind giving me big hugs no matter how wet they got from touching me. 

(Me and Ruthie after going on an intense geocaching trip)

I learned that often, the times you are called to give the most, are the times that you have the least to give. I had to constanly remind myself that all I was doing was for the children. I couldnt ever let them down, so even though I may not have gotten a full nights sleep in 3 weeks, and I was hot, worn down, tired (exhausted), and really had nothing else to give the child than a swift kick in the pants, I had to work past it, and make sure that he/she was safe, and having a good time. Luckily, I had some amazing children who made that part easy. Its a really good feeling when you think you got nothing through to a child, then at Bible study they say something that really surprises you, or at Vespers, they tell the Chaplain something they learned, and you realize that you taught them that. It is really an amazing thing. 

Finally, I learned that I was blessed to know amazing people. I learned that you can find fun in doing a silly energizer, or sining a silly cmap song. I learned that people come and go from your life to enrich it, but sometimes they stick around for a while. I made some of the best friends ever this summer. Nothing will be able to compare to the experience I shared with them. Okay, I realize that is very "romantic" and unrealistic, but I know that I have been touched by these amazing, called, and blessed people, and I am lucky to count them as my friends. 

The Summer Is Almost Over!

I had the idea that I would be able to blog at least once a week on my off time. Little did I realize that my hour break a day would not afford me enough time to blog at all, and my weekends would be so full of activities that I would not find time to do it then as well. Im sorry to the people (3 ish) who were looking forward to more frequent updates of the summer. 

Camp has gone spectacularly. I still have 3 more weeks left, but I can safely say that I have enjoyed my summer so much, and I have no regrets to taking the job. Around week 3, I thought that perhaps I chose the wrong summer job. That maybe I should have just done a regular "9-5" job. After a stressful week full of lots of advice, I see that I just needed a tiny kick in the pants to realize that I actually do have a talent for this kind of work. Its been a bit stressful at times (most of the time), and working with some of my co-workers sucked pretty hardcore, but all in all, its been a great summer. 

I got asked if I would be returning next summer. Gosh, it seems so far away, that I honestly said that I did not know if I would be returning or not. If I got asked back, I might consider it. My first option is really going to be working for the Church doing Catechesis next summer. That would be amazing. Then it will be a toss up between Catholic summer camp, and Ferncliff. It will be a hard decision, but God will do with me what he will. 

I hope that everyone is having a fantastic summer, and all those well wishes that accompany the end of a blog. ;-)

I Survived Week One!

And I thought that I would never survive! :-) Sunday started out fine, family camp left (which was sad, because I had an amazing family for the weekend), then we had our staff meeting, and I was assigned to High School Hangout with my best friend. sweet. Registration comes, and I make my bandana, then I get moved to a new group. Threw me off a bit, because I had NO idea what this other group was all about. They were all 11th and 12th graders who spend a year learning about St. Paul then take a trip to Greece and Turkey. They spent the first day not really talking, and just being generally...normal teenagers. I was worried. Luckily, they ended up being an awesome group of students by the end of the week. I really feel like they got a lot out of the week, and I learned a few things along the way as well. 

I really just wanted to leave that update up. I will try to be better about updating through the week, so hopefully my posts will be more informative and what not. 

Camp Orientation is Over

Sorry that I have not updated in a long time. I really havent had anything to say at all. The only exciting thing going on is that I have started my summer work at camp, and have had a blast. Im working at a Presbyterian camp called Ferncliff. It serves youth from 1st grade up to the 10th. We have a few different themed camps each week, and get a new batch of campers every week. Its a big, nice, beautiful, hot area outside of Little Rock. 

Ive been here a little over a week, and we finished counselor orientation yesterday. It was seriously the longest week of my life. I thought that it would never end. Up at 7, bed no earlier than midnight. Tons of walking (everywhere of course), mountain climbing, mountain biking, fire building, archery, geocacheing, swimming, bouldering, canoeing, fishing, orienteering, sweating, drinking 8 liters of water. All that bitching aside, I have had the time of my life. It feels like I have been here 4 months already, but I have also had 4 months worth of fun. The counselors are all (well, except one) SUPER nice, fun, and all around awesome. We have all bonded pretty well already, and get along great. I guess its easy to do though when you spend a constant 24 hours around each other doing activities, and getting ready to spend your summer taking care of a bunch of kids. The camp is absolutely beautiful. Tons of trees and hills, its quiet, and wildlife galore. Its also an eco friendly camp, which makes it all the more better.  Today is actually the first day of camp. We have family camp, which is when families come in, and we do some activities with them, and just get the acquainted with the facility. Im really excited, but also SUPER nervous!

On a sadder note, my aunt called me today to let me know that my great grandmother passed away this morning. It sucks, because I did not even know that her condition was getting any worse (come to find out, neither did my aunt, because it was thought best to not tell us so we wouldnt get too upset). It doesnt sound like such a big deal, but I was pretty close to my great-grandmother. Having such young parents and grandparents made it possible for me to get close to her, and loosing her is very hard. It sucks that I had to find out on the first day of real camp, and I cant exactly be sad and grieve all day since I have to be super pumped and act like everything is awesome and make the family feel welcome and have fun. Its going to be weird going back to WV and not see her. I hate that I did not go sooner so that I could have seen her one last time before she died. I know that it is silly, but thats all I can think about...I missed my last chance. And now, I obviously cant go up there for her funeral. No money, and I cant just leave camp. Though, if I had the money, I probably would. The other issue is that Grandma Jo wanted to be cremated, but apparently some of the family is fighting it. Their reasoning is that they say in the end, she had changed her mind. I dont believe that she would have dont that if she were in the right frame of mind though. The last time I saw her, my aunt, her, and I sat down and talked about what she wanted done after she died, because we thought at that time she was close to the end (even though she ended up being fine for a few years after that). She signed her will, and my aunt and I signed as witnesses. So I know, and signed that I understood, that she wanted a cremation. I dont want to have to call up all my family and stress this point, but I will if I have to. Its just a horrible situation bred from a worse one. The world is truly a darker place without her in it. She was one of the most amazing women I have ever known, and I am so lucky that she was my grandmother. I'm going to miss her terribly, but im glad to know that she is no longer sick, and in pain. 

Eternal rest grant her O Lord, and let perpetual Light shine upon her. May her soul and the souls of all the faithful departed Through the mercy of God rest in peace. Amen.